Fratricide
by SpiritOfEowyn
Summary: Set during Shadow Academy, What if things had gone a little differently. When the Solo twins had unknowingly dueled, a hairsbreath away from disaster? 414 Part 2 up.
1. Chapter 1

**Fratricide**

Young Jedi Knight Angst vig.

Set during Young Jedi Knights: Shadow Academy pg 140.

What if the battle had gone a little differently. Completed. Repliesposting the rest of the chapters.

Angst.

Focus: Jaina, and Jacen.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well nothing that a lawyer or George Lucas or Professional writers would want, you know, those people who actually own the whole Skywalker/Solo clan. Which if you haven't noticed, isn't me. I obviously didn't write The Young Jedi Knights series. Nice people those two authors, or so my friends say.

Darth Vader was a stain on his entire family. Total strangers would always remember who his grandfather had been. He was the family guilt, no matter how many worlds they bled to save there would always be the taint of Darth Vader. How could his grandfather have killed so many innocent people? How could he have caused so much pain to his family?

Jacen fought the image of Darth Vader, taking advantage of his shocked hesitation. Thrusting. Parrying. Attacking. Defending. However whatever Brakiss had come up with seemed to match his moves perfectly. They were evenly matched.

He tried not to show how tired he was becoming. Brakiss had promised that he could see Jaina and Lowbacca after this training session, if he could just find a way to end this fight. So he didn't question his opponents actions too much, he didn't think then. But afterwards he could think of nothing else.

"Jacen?" Darth Vader said and deactivated his lightsaber.

Here was his golden opportunity to end this. He plunged his lightsaber into Darth Vader's chest. It hurt. Why did it hurt so much? It felt like he had stabbed himself with it. Jacen threw his lightsaber away.

And with Darth Vader he fell in pain.

Only it wasn't Darth Vader, but another illusion cloaked over.

"Force, NO!" Jacen croaked.

Jaina stared back at him, struggling to breath with a punctured lung. Blood was filling her lungs despite the wound being cauterized.

Jacen scrambled over to his sister, propping her up so her injured lung could work better.

"I'm soo sorry, I didn't. I didn't know." Jacen's voice broke. Beneath his hands his sister's body shuddered, she didn't have enough air to spend on a response.

_I know. _Jacen heard her.

"I guess we know which twin is stronger." Brakiss called. "I didn't think you'd actually do it, but then again you are Darth Vader's grandson." Brakiss's smile made Jacen want to vomit.

He didn't know what to do.

_Luke! Please come, Jaina's, she's dying! _Jacen screamed, hoping his uncle was close enough to hear him. Even though it seemed there was little anyone could do.

Luke's eyes dilated and he gasped.

"Tenel Ka, we need to leave."

Tenel Ka looked at the Jedi master confused. She had never seen him so close to panic.

"My nephew has sent me a message, we have to go." All the time Luke was thinking that he wasn't fast enough, that he would never reach them in time to save his niece. He had to try.

Jacen refused to leave his sister's side as she was escorted to the Shadow Academy's inadequate version of a med center. Brakiss no doubt allowed it because he enjoyed watching suffering.

A droid attempted to suck the blood out of her lungs, forestalling her death. His older sister fought to stay conscious. Neither one of them knew enough of healing trances to be able to put her into one without the possibility of simply killing her.

"You've killed one of our best students." Qorl said behind Jacen. "It only a matter of time."

Jacen wanted strangle Qorl. Guilt stopped him. He couldn't leave Jaina alone long enough even to strangle him.

_Protect Anakin for me._ Jaina begged. Jaina had always tried to protect their little brother and even him at times.

"Don't listen to him, you're going to make it."

Jaina looked skeptical. She attempted to smile but was caught in another spasm of pain. This time it was her liver. Her body was shutting down. And it was all his fault. He had killed his own twin. Jacen vainly fought against the waves of despair that wrapped around him. He was so afraid of losing her. He'd always imagined that he would die first in their old age. But not this, not this. What would he tell their mom and dad? Uncle Luke? Anakin? Was this who was? He couldn't go back and changes things. He couldn't face them. Maybe it would be less painful to give up, give in and join the Dark Jedi? He'd never have to face them again. To acknowledge that he too was a stain on his family. As long as he lived, he would be remembered as the jedi who murdered his twin sister. It was who Jacen was. He could run away. He had to run away. A part of Jacen was disgusted with his very thoughts but the despair overpowered everything.

Jaina clutched his arm. Face wet, too pale, her lips were turning blue, coated in blood.

No, Jacen, please, promise me you won't-. You have to, mom and dad are going to need you. I need you to protect them for me, our family. I can't do it anymore. Live in the light for me. For me.

Jacen broke down into tears.

I, will. For you Jaya.

I forgive you. It was an accident, it isn't who you are.

Jacen could feel her start to slip away.

I can't do this alone, Jaya-.

We'll be strong together. I'm just going back to the force, Jasa. The force is with you, so I'll be with you too, always.

She gasped.

When did you get all sentimental-

And then she stopped. Her heart stopped. The other part of himself since conception, that presence that had comforted him stopped. She wasn't there. There was a body, but Jaina was gone. The shock of it hit with tsunami impact.

_The darkness of unconsciousness crushed but Jacen didn't want it to stop._


	2. Chapter 2 Consequences

Fratricide Part 2: Consequences 

"He's waking up."

Luke, Lowie and Tenel Ka stared down at him with sympathy.

Jacen begged the force for the past to be a dream. He'd had eaten a bad Alcoari fruit that Chewie gave him, and had a horrible nightmare. But their misplaced sympathy wouldn't allow such delusions. Jacen was aware that he was breathing but he had never felt less alive or alone.

They were on a ship.

"How-"

"Your friend Zekk risked his life to bring you to us." Tenel Ka said squeezing his hand.

"She-"

"Jaina's here. There was nothing you could have done." His uncle said in his soothing voice.

"Can I finish a kriffin sentence?" Jacen raged. "Stop snooping in my head." Jacen glared at his uncle who had no idea what he was talking about. Someday he would become powerful enough that no one he cared about would die.

"Jacen!" His uncle grabbed his arm but he yanked himself free.

"I don't want to talk about it!" Jacen could feel his uncle's eyes drilling into the back of his head. He could just hear his uncle telling his friends that he needed some space to grieve. What did he know? His sister was still alive! Luke would just make him talk about it, but Jacen was sick of it, he didn't want to feel better, he didn't want to face his future. Jacen searched in vain for Jaina, the force would no longer tell him where she was. So he had to wander the halls looking for a room. On his way he used the force to throw anything that wasn't bolted to the walls. He wanted everything to shatter the way he was.

The force? The force had failed him! It should have told him that he was fighting his twin like it had Jaina!

Jaina. Her name brought deserved pain.

"Jaina Jaina Jaina." He said feeling parts of her death all over again. Pain was only one of the many consequences he would have to live with.

He found her room. She was covered by a white sheet and the air was as cold as she was. He lifted the sheet to find that she didn't look like a person. Not like Jaina, perhaps death had taken her body away too and left a poorly made Jaina-doll. Even when she was asleep she had never seemed so small. He had thought that seeing her would bring him some measure of comfort, that he could pretend that she was going to wake up any minute and berate him for thinking she'd die from a lightsaber wound.

Only silence.

He'd only been allowed a few hours reprieve, before his uncle came.

Seeing that he wasn't up for talking, Luke had sat down next to him and put his arm around his shoulder and leaned in. It turned out to be the secret Jedi way of making him into a blubbering idiot again.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to get there in time." Luke said his voice squeaking. "I understand you being angry with me." Luke ran his fingers through Jacen's hair, reminding him of his mother.

"It's all my fault." He sobbed into Luke's arm shaking his head.

"You didn't kill her-"

"Yes I did." He insisted.

Luke frowned.

Slowly without looking into his eyes, Jacen explained. Ending with,

"I didn't know it was her, but it was my lightsaber that killed her!"

He saw his Uncle's lightsaber attached to his belt and turned his head and vomited. He never wanted to touch a lightsaber as long as he was alive! He didn't want to see them. All his life he had wanted a lightsaber of his own, and now the very thought made him hurl the contents of his stomach across the floor.

His Uncle became stiff and quiet.

"More than anything, I wish I could go back and change that one moment. What am I going to do? How will I tell mom and dad?" Jacen didn't care how much his voice shook.

"I don't know." Luke said shifting away from him. Luke looked conflicted as he got up.

"I need to check the cockpit. I'll be back."

Jacen felt his hope leaving. He had figured that of his entire family Luke would be the most understanding. But if he couldn't handle it, who would?

He felt Jaina's loss in other more selfish ways, normally she could cheer him up when he thought about things too much. Jaina could bring him back to reality. Could her memory take him back out of it again?

He didn't see Luke again until the next morning when he came in to make him eat.

"I'm not hungry." Jacen rubbed his eyes.

"You look awful."

Jacen restrained himself from any comments in the 'well that's what happens when' or 'thanks buddy' line. Maybe he was just too tired. Unconsciousness had failed him again, too many thoughts and memories were running a marathon in his head for the possibility of sleep.

Luke handed him rations anyway. Jacen's hands shook as he tried to make the exchange. Oh fine, you don't succeed in what I tell you to do now, but yesterday you couldn't have missed one moving target!

"I shouldn't have run out like that yesterday."

Jacen swallowed, disinterested in the ration bar.

"Jacen look at me." Luke ordered. Jacen met his eyes furtively, and was caught.

"I can imagine the pain I would go through if your mother died," Luke shook his head. " but it was worse for you wasn't it? You felt her die didn't you?"

"Just as much as if I died." Jacen said truthfully, shoulders hunching inward. "Maybe worse."

Luke's eyes softened. "Not many people can understand that, some will want to punish you, but there isn't much more someone could do to you that would be worse than what happened to you. No can believe that you would do it on purpose." Luke said. "I'll help you get through this Jacen,"

Luke could feel his self hatred, could feel that he thought that he was the worst person that had ever lived.

"At least you didn't blow up a planet."

Jacen laughed bitterly. "Great." He sniffed. "So now I'm on the same level as Kyp."

"If you're looking for people who've made bigger mistakes you don't even need to leave the family tree." Luke said reassuringly, rubbing his arm.

So, now I'm taking comfort that I'm not Darth Vader?


End file.
